


Forget-Me-Not

by XanFoster08



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Confessions, Gay Keith (Voltron), Hanahaki Disease, Happy Ending, M/M, Team Bonding, Time Loop, Truth or Dare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 00:48:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18435581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XanFoster08/pseuds/XanFoster08
Summary: Cough. Cough. “What the heck…”Keith withdrew his hand from his mouth in surprise to find bright blue petals in a sea of blood. Suddenly feeling faint, he staggered over to the library, half running and half stumbling, grabbing at the first book with a notion of flowers.“Hanahaki Disease- Flowers Born from Unrequited Love” Shaking, Keith dropped the book. Unrequited love...Lance.Keith is stuck in a time loop with Hanahaki Disease for Lance. Five Times he let the flowers overtake him and one time he didn’t.





	1. Broken Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time, Keith didn't understand the feelings hidden within him. So he hid them, pushing everyone away until there was nothing left for him to leave.

7:30 AM. April 8th. The raven haired boy woke up with a groan, willing his body to swing his legs over the bed and get up. Just another day at the Castle, cruising through the universe in attempts to save the universe. Yeah...normal.

He got up and dressed for his daily training, tying his hair up in a low ponytail and stretching casually as he jogged over to the training room, getting warmed up for a fight with a gladiator.

“Begin gladiator level 5”

It felt normal, just like a flourishing dance. A blade slash there, a side step dodge there, a kick to the side and bringing a shield up against a shot. “Begin gladiator level 6” The dance continued, more frantic as sweat rolled down Keith’s face with effort, spinning on his heels with more intensity and feeling the heat of every slash, every hit overwhelmed him. “Level 7” Breathless yet fighting.

A yawn at the doorway was barely enough to distract Keith into allowing the bot hit him over the head and a low groan escaped from the boy. “Hey, mullet. Maybe if the gladiator hits your head hard enough it’ll get rid of that haircut.” A certain tan skinned boy stood at the doorway, a mocking grin pasted on his face. Keith whipped around to the voice, meeting ocean blue eyes that he drowned in his dreams.

“Not how gladiators work” he muttered, wiping the sweat off his face with the helm of his shirt.

Lance rolled his eyes in response. “Sureeee, whatever you want. We’re having breakfast, clean up and join us. See ya.” And with that, Lance was gone and leaving Keith heaving in the room.

Did something suddenly feel stuffy? His throat bubbled up with a mysterious feeling, somewhat like bile, but not quite the right consistency. Something tasted metallic, like blood. “I probably bit my tongue when I got hit” he muttered, shaking off the thought to take a shower.

 _Cough. Cough._ “What the heck…”

Keith withdrew his hand from his mouth in surprise to find bright blue petals in a sea of blood. Suddenly feeling faint, he staggered over to the library, half running and half stumbling. Scanning the rows and rows of Altean books, he was suddenly relieved to have English version of books as his eyes hit a title with “flower”.

“Hanahaki Disease- Flowers Born from Love” He felt that foreboding moment when he flipped to the first page and read “Hanahaki, a disease that grows flowers inside the victim's lungs because of unrequited love. Commonly seen in certain species that are fighting aligned, such as the Galra. The flowers will gradually eat the victim up until they can no longer breathe. Situations that may speed up the situation is hearing the person they have feelings for talk about someone else, being rejected, etc. If the victim’s feelings are returned, the disease will naturally fade away from the root. However--”

Shaking, Keith dropped the book.  Unrequited love.

_Lance._

“No. Nope. NO.” Keith panicked, clutching his chest. This couldn’t be happening. Feelings? For Lance? No way. Never. Nothing about his flirtatious attitude was appealing. Not his funny, charming smile and stunning blue eyes and how every time he laughed he made Keith’s insides flutter. Oh quiznak, he was utterly whipped.

“Keith, buddy, are you coming to breakfast?” a different voice called through the hallways.

Quickly, he shoved the book back on the shelf and turned around, pretending not to be caught red handed. “Yeah, Hunk hey. Didn’t mean to miss out on your uh special food goo. Yeah.”

The yellow paladin let out a hearty laugh. “Why are you in the library? Lance said you’d be in the training room or cleaning up nearby.”

Simply hearing Lance’s name made Keith’s mouth feel dry all of a sudden. “Uh nothing, I just was reading earlier and left something here. Yeah no problem.”

“Oh well okay. Come on, we’re all waiting.”

♡♢♤♧

The two of them walked in silence, Keith tried to forget about that sickening feeling in his throat as they neared the kitchen. The rest of the paladins smiled as he entered.

“Hey, nice to see you finally got here.” Lance noted happily.

Allura smiled back at Keith, “Yes, we were just about to start discussing the next mission. It should be relatively easy, collecting resources at this planet to form diplomatic relations with the natives. Who wants to go?”

The first response was Pidge who shook quickly declined with the reasoning of “I don’t really wanna collect flowers which may be surrounded by an Earth equivalent of snakes with pink scales. Plus, I’m working on new shield reflectors for the Lions, so I’m out.”

Hunk pipped in after that “Ooh, yeah I can help Pidge with those reflectors.”

Lance voiced his thoughts after that “I’d _love_ to help you Princess--”

Love. The words seemed to trigger a reaction in the flowers growing inside Keith. He suddenly felt the need to throw up and slammed his hands against the table, shaking spoons from food goo. “Shut the quiznak up, Lance. Not every single quiznaking mission has to be about your stupid flirting.” Choking this out, he stormed out of the room, rushing to the nearest bathroom and proceeded to cough up bloody blue flowers.

“Why does it have to be him?” the boy thought, shuffling back into his room and locking the door. “I can’t face the team like this. No no no. He’d never return my feelings, after all...he loves Allura. Right?” His mind flashed back to all the flirtatious lines he shot at her, the charming smiles and--

He groaned, willing his mind to stop. “Maybe I’ll just stay here for the rest of my pitiful life and die from dumb flowers because of my dumb feelings for a dumb boy with gorgeous blue eyes. Yeah, let’s just do that…”

A soft knock at the door shook him from his thoughts. “Please don’t be Lance” he begged.

“Keith. Open up.” Shiro’s voice called.

A sigh of relief pooled over him, yet came back tenfold when he didn’t know how to reply. If the team knew he was dying, they would make him confess. Shiro, the father figure he was, would tell he it was okay. It _wasn’t_  okay though. He was content on simply dying, burying his feelings. “Go away, Shiro.”

“Is this about... _him?_ ”

“No. Shut up.” Keith grumbled, feeling like a moody teenager, but who could blame him when he shut out his feelings for years ever since they were tossed into an intergalactic war they never asked for. “I’ll eat later, just leave me some food. I just...need some time alone.”

There was a pause on the other side of the door as the older man contemplated the compromise before answering with a short “Fine.”. A few minutes later Keith heard a platter of food goo placed at his doorstep. When he was sure no one was around, he took it inside and stared at it. The food looked as unappetizing as the first day they were forced to eat it, and tossed it around in a food fight. He stabbed the fork inside the goo for a while, wondering if he’d die of starvation or the flowers first. Just thinking of the flowers caused him to cough a few petals up, joining the growing pile on his floor.

Every day passed without thought. It began with the other paladins bothering him, but he shot them all down.

“Keith, we haven't seen you for days. Please come out.” Shiro pleaded, banging on the door.

Something broke inside of Keith as it hurt to hear Shiro sound so broken. But they couldn’t know. “Shiro,” he began, knowing if he said this there was no going back “why can’t you leave me alone? Just like you fucking left Adam.”

There was a sharp intake of breath on the other side of the door. A warning “Keith” was tossed and Keith could almost feel the dangerous look Shiro had. Yet he couldn’t stop. “Yeah, maybe if you cared less about the mission and more about him, he would still be with you. Let’s be real. You don’t care about me, you care about the damn mission. Don’t worry, you can still for Voltron without me. Just leave me alone.”

He didn’t hear from Shiro from that point on.

♡♢♤♧

The next one to bother him was Pidge. She simply sat next to the door, waiting for him to open the door for food. “Hey dude we’re all worried about you. Especially Lance.”

The name sent a shiver down his spine, making him subconsciously reach towards his neck. Just like the genius the green paladin was, she noticed that tiny detail, noting “Don’t hide from us, Keith. We’re a team, family.”

And just like that, the switch flipped inside of Keith. “ _What family?_ We’re random strangers brought together by a messed up fate. And you know what, _Katie?_ Just because you found your father and brother in space, doesn’t mean the rest of us have...family.” His voice broke at the last word, tears threatening to spill over just like the flowers.

She looked back at him, contemplating her chances of changing his thought before turning away, deeming the mission to sway Keith statistically irrational. The percentages were depressingly low.

♡♢♤♧

Next was Allura and Coran. They pleaded him to come out for the mission. Saving the world. But those things meant no more to him. Why save the cruel universe that had cursed him with these feelings. His heart heaved with every word he tossed back at his teammates. Every strand of himself felt utterly useless, wasted. He was falling in a spiral of flowers, the only thing that remain in his mind. He woke every hour to them, seeing them scattering the floor and filling the floor only to leave a single pathway. There weren’t only petals at this point, but there were now full blown flowers. Keith knew it meant the disease was growing, he was going to die soon.

♡♢♤♧

Hunk came soon after the Alteans. He simply left a platter of cookies at the doorstep for Keith with a small note of what the cookies were. As much as Keith wanted to eat the cookies, he didn’t. Instead, ripping up the note and tossing the plate at the wall outside his room. Leaving a resounding crash in the hall along with broken glass on the floor. He didn’t know if Hunk or someone else found them later, but he never found another plate in front of his door, so the message was probably received.

♡♢♤♧

And finally, the last was Lance. “Keith, I’m sorry if I did something to...I dunno...I-” the boy’s voice paused “we’re really concerned for you. I mean I get if you really hate me or something. I do dumb things. Allura and I went on the mission you know. Maybe it’ll cheer you up to hear about the planet. It was really nice, had greenery like Earth. But Allura said--”

Just hearing him toss Allura’s name hurt Keith. It was if the words itself confirmed Lance’s feelings for Allura. Who wouldn’t? Allura was an absolute goddess, an actual princess to the throne. And he, was just a broken boy.

“Lance, just leave me alone.”

Apparently that was all he needed before the boy left. After that, no one bothered him again. The castle seemed to drone on silence for days. He laid in bed for most of those days, feeling the days pass by meaninglessly. The flowers grew inside his chest. Suffocating him.

♡♢♤♧

He didn’t even know when the end came. He never wrote a final letter to the team. Never said another word. The flower simply grew out and he no longer could breathe. It suffocated him in his sleep, leaving a blue flower blooming at his mouth in stark comparison to his pale skin.

The team found him a few days after they found something unsettling about the food laying untouched. He was down in a bed of flowers and a pulse long gone. They cried, then mourned, and they regretted. None of them could save him.


	2. Game of Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith wakes up again to the same time, haunting him at the beginning of the disease. However, knowing better, this time he consults Shiro and in the meantime accidentally gets Pidge in on the plan. Knowing the gremlin, her plans would never end up well...

He sat up with a jolt, sweat matting his hair down as he breathed heavily. Images flashed in front of his eyes, hacking up flowers and feeling the world shift to blackness. Shouldn’t he be dead. Did the pods revive him? No, why would he be in his room then. Violet eyes whipped over to the clock. 7:30 AM.

Keith ran out of the room, running over to Lance’s room, knocking frantically until a groggy brown head leaned out. “What? Are the Galra attacking...ughhhh”

“Uh...what day is it?” the words caught in his throat as he felt something familiar crawl up his throat.

The boy in front of him tossed his arms up in disbelief. “Really, asking me the _date_ is that important to ruin my morning routine? Can’t you just check whatever weird calendar Coran has?”

Not knowing what to say, Keith once again left with an unflattering “uh” before running off to check the calendar, which in fact was set at the day he last remembered, April 8th. He wasn’t dead. He...went back in time. Perhaps this was the universe cruel attempt in forcing him to suffer again...or another chance.

What could he change this time to avoid death? He started his day with training, so cut that out. “What if I told someone?” Keith muttered to himself, only to be responded with an older voice.

“Told us what?”

Keith whipped around to the voice and came face to face with Shiro. Well more like face to chest because of Shiro’s height, but same difference. “I uh you know uh. What?” Keith fumbled around with his hands like that was all he understood at that point, which wasn’t very far from the truth.

Shiro sighed, knowing he would not get an adequate answer out of the boy any time soon. After all, they’d known each other since Shiro had taken the younger boy in and past the rebellious stage, Shiro was getting quite used to handling Keith’s moods. “How about you meet me in my room after breakfast, okay?”

Keith nodded desperately, feeling that he couldn’t trust his mouth to agree without stuttering. He turned away quickly, a faint blush touching his cheeks as he thought about sharing his feelings with Shiro. He was acquainted with Adam back at the Garrison and knew Shiro would be accepting of his sexuality, but what he feared was that Shiro would tell him to confess. If only he could do that...

♡♢♤♧

“You should confess to him.”

Keith groaned, expecting this answer yet still feeling the dread from the response. He’d gone to Shiro’s room after breakfast like planned, but as they sat there, Keith got the answer he couldn’t stomach. “I _can’t_ , Shiro.”

Shiro rolled his eyes, knowing full well that Keith couldn’t cope well with feelings. “Yes you _can_. Come on, I’ll even help you. Set you guys up on a mission or something, pretend it’s a date.”

“NO”

“Fine, how about--” Shiro paused, lifting a finger to his lips in a silencing gesture, which Keith stared at him questioningly. The black paladin stood up, snuck up to his own door and slammed at the open button, resulting with a much smaller figure to collapse into the doorway with an “oof”.

The figure scrambled up, uttering a quick “Sorry” at the same time as the other two yelled “PIDGE?!”

Pidge stood up, adjusting her glasses. “Okay sorry guys I just wanted in on the tea.”

“What tea?” Shiro asked as Keith yelled “How long have you been here?!”

“Shiro you’re too old for slang. And Keith, uh. You don’t want to know, but, since you said something like ‘Oh my god I like Lance and his ocean blue eyes please drown me’ yeah.”

Keith groaned, burying his scarlet red face in his hands. “Kill me now.”

“Hey actually, I can set you up.” Pidge smirked. “Just wait Keith, I gotcha. Sure maybe technology can’t fix flowers growing in your lungs because of unrequited love, but how about we have some _team bonding_ exercises hm? What do you think, Shiro, a game night?”

The older man nodded his head, smirking along with Pidge. “Good idea, we gotta set Keith up.”  
“Yes and embarrass Keith in front of his _crushhh.”_

“I need better friends.” Keith muttered, storming out of the room, only to be followed by an announcement on the intercom stating “Paladins! Let us all join up in the common room tonight for a game night! Pidge said there was an interesting Earth game called Truth or Dare and Coran and I are excited to learn how to play. Ooh and can we get the drinks please? Yay!” Allura’s voice trailed off the intercom as she ran off to get ready.

♡♢♤♧

Keith groaned. “I’ll just...throw myself out of an airlock. Yeah. That’ll end this nightmare right? It’ll be painless I’m sure...” He sulked back to his room muttering something about kilometers per second and km/s before bumping into someone when he turned the corner.

“Woah, Keith buddy where you going?”

“The nearest air lock.”

Keith looked up and regretted it immediately as he came face to face with Lance. Flowers suddenly filled his throat and Keith began to cough violently, clutching on to Lance for support. His vision flashes black for a mere second before he heard Lance calling “Keith, please don’t die _we_ can’t last without you. Should I carry you to the med bay? Should I do something. Oh my god Keith please answer me.”

Crushing the flowers in his hand, Keith stumbled away from Lance like he was the plague, hiding his hand behind his back and excusing himself quickly to cough up flowers in the bathroom. “End me now.”

♡♢♤♧

“Game night!” Allura chanted happily, bouncing up and down in her pajamas, a stark contrast to her typical royal look. She wore long sleeved pink clothes which hung loosely on her, she also let her hair down and a smile spreading across her face. Her enthusiasm was matched with the rest of the team, except Keith.

He grumbled, settling himself down on the corner couch, rolling hugging his knees to his chest and grumbling something about hating team time, but in reality he hated the idea of using a game to set him up with Lance.

“Lets begin!” Hunk exclaimed, carrying a massive plate of green (?) cookies and setting them down at the table. “Allura, truth or dare?”

Allura leaned forward, hearing the challenge “Dare.”

“Well I dare you to mimic Coran.”

Coran looked utterly horrified as Allura stroked an imaginary mustache and began singing the song to the Altean alphabet whilst swirling around the room. The team laughed, chanting along.

It continued like that, some juicy secrets about Pidge’s hacking streaks in the Garrison to the weird alien foods Hunk puts in his creations, to crushes and Shiro’s story about Adam. Up until then, Keith felt okay with the game, only doing some fun dares and revealing his secret stuffed hippo.

“Keith, truth or dare?” Pidge asked, an evil glint lining her eyes that Keith feared for his life if he dared.

“I’d rather keep my life, so truth.”

That evil glint stayed in the little girl’s eyes as she asked “So you remember that game show?” Keith felt his stomach drop. “The one with Bob and the whole who would you chose to leave. Why did you actually pick Lance?” She tilted her head innocently, shifting her glasses in place.

“I s-said why back then. It’s just because I didn’t want to spend eternity with him” Keith mumbled, adding to himself “because I would die of embarrassment and would probably have to face these terrible feelings of mine.”

He looked up, gauging the reactions of his peers from disappointment from Pidge and Shiro to concern from Hunk, Coran, and Allura and finally Lance. Keith looked up quickly to meet Lance’s eyes, terrified of the reaction, and saw a flash of hurt pass through the ex-blue paladin’s eyes before disappearing, almost like Keith imagined it.

“Yeah, sure, thanks” Lance drawled sarcastically. “Can always count on you to ruin everything.”

He pretended not to be hurt by the comment, pushing the flowers down.

♡♢♤♧

Despite the lingering tension from that prior question, the game continued on without fail “Lonce, truth or dare?” Allura asked, giving an innocent face.

Lance smirked at the pronunciation of his name, rising to the challenge and replying “For you, Dare.” Keith felt his throat clench as Lance blatantly flirted with Allura, but cast the thought aside to listen to Allura’s command.

“Play, what was that Earth game? The one with spinning glass?”

The paladins all stared at her before Pidge asked “Spin the bottle?”

Allura clapped her hand in joy. “Yes that! Here, take this old Altean drink. Very good for digestion, but sadly empty.”

Lance grinned back, nabbing the bottle and winking at her, smoothly pointing the bottle at her as if he already knew it’ll land on her. However, his skills as sharpshooter apparently didn’t transfer over to bottle spinning. As the bottle spun in a perfect circle, they all watched in fascination as it began to lag, drifting slowly past Allura and even slower past Lance a second time before landing on...Keith.

An eerie silence fell upon the group, with everyone glancing between the bottle, Keith, and then Lance. “Well...” Lance said slowly, “Guess we can’t break the game’s rules. Come on samurai, it’ll be quick.” He leaned to his side, looking at the ex-red paladin expectantly.

However, Keith’s mind was going at miles per hour, and instinctively, he put his hand over his mouth.

“What? Don’t tell me you haven’t kissed anyone before.” Keith’s eyes widened at the comment, confirming Lance’s statement in shock. “Really Keith?! Do you have any idea how popular you were at the Garrison and how many people wanted to date you? How did you _never_ kiss any of them. Hell why did I not know? I mean sure that’s kind of awkward, but hey, um, we can still do this for the game right?” He looked so hopeful, which crushed Keith’s heart and lungs, so he slowly released his hands and turned towards Lance, staring right at that perfect face of his.

So slowly, ever so slowly, Lance leaned in, overwhelming Keith. He felt his face burning. He felt every inch of his skin burning up with Lance’s warmth, flooding his senses with scents of the oceans, seas, sand, home.

He couldn’t take it.

“Stop” he shrieked as Lance was centimeters away from him, shooting up out of his seat and painfully feeling his elbow connect with Lance’s chin, sending him flying upwards. Keith scrambled away, feeling the petals become unbearable, sprinting out of the room.

Worried looks followed him, analyzing his every move, but only one spoke them. “Geez Keith, I know you hate me but like...you don’t have to be so brutal about it. I get it. _You don’t like me”_

It was wrong. Everything was wrong. The petals lining the floor were wrong. Everything was so wrong.

♡♢♤♧

“Why would you do that?” Pidge groaned, strolling into Shiro’s room as the Operation Save Keith from Hanahaki squad assembled in there.

“I don’t know.” Keith mumbled “Don’t grind me on love advice, Pidge. Out of everyone here, you’re the youngest and the one who cares the least about romantic stuff.”

Pidge jumped off the bed. “Nope. I can’t hear you over the sound of my awesome genius.”

“Ugh, what are you? Like 10?”

“Out of ten, yes. Now let’s get down to business. What’s our next course of action? Shoo Keith you can’t know our plans or else you’re gonna run away. Just don’t run away next time. Or what if we make it so he can’t run away?” a devilish grin that would scare Satan away spread across her face.

Even Shiro looked slightly terrified of this Pidge.

♡♢♤♧

Just another day of Keith’s life, begging that today was not the day Pidge became the villain in his life. A few days had passed since their meeting in Shiro’s room and has happened so far.

He continued his morning routine, waking up, training, and then heading to the showers to wash off. Like normal, he would strip off his paladin suit and jump into the first stall. As normal, turning the water on and simply thinking. Thinking too hard made flowers fall out of his mouth and cascade down the water into the drain. It was normal until it wasn’t. As soon as he turned the shower off, the stall clicked with an ominous locking sound. Suspicious, Keith attempted to pry the door open, only to be met with extreme resistance.

“What the--”

  
“Hey Keith,” a perky voice called out. “How do you enjoy my plan?”

Keith stiffened, grabbing a towel to cover up his lower half before yelling back “What the heck Pidge. First of all this is the men’s bathroom and second, get me out of here!”

He heard a mischief giggle from the other side of the door before Pidge pushed through the stall and shocking Keith enough to make him stumble and allow her to handcuff him to the shower. “Hold up, Pidge. Get out oh my God. Unlock this right now, Katie Holt. Don’t you dare.”  
“Okay chill about the gender thing, I’ve lived with Matt Holt for god’s sake, he isn’t exactly secretive about his...parts. Also like, I snuck into the Garrison as a male, so, yeah. And second, just chill here _samurai_ , I’ll get Lance to _help you_. Don’t worry about it, he’ll be here soon.” As she said this, she slipped out of the stall and ran through the hall yelling “Lance, Lance, Keith is in trouble, come help.”

Keith struggled to break free, only to slip and fall down at a strange angle, successfully twisting his ankle.

“KEITH! Pidge told me you were in trouble, are you okay, where are you? Keith, oh my god don’t tell me you passed out or something, don’t be drowning please don’t die Keith. We can’t manage without our leader and like Keith--,” Lance skidded into the bathroom, rambling wildly.

The handcuffled boy grunted in response, attempting to shift himself into a manageable position as Lance pushed the door open. Suddenly, both of their eyes grew comically wide as they realized the situation in front of them. Keith, half naked, hair still wet, and chained to the stall above him and getting stared at by his crush. He prayed to whatever universal God there was that Lance wouldn’t notice the blood stains near the drain of the shower.

“I’M FINE. J-just get me out.” Keith stuttered, feeling his face turn beet red and refusing to meet Lance’s eyes. However, if he did, he would have found the Cuban boy quite literally checking him out, admiring the toned muscles from countless hours of training and the porcelain white skin, marred with battle scars. Lance did what he was told and pulled out the key Pidge had given him a few days ago with a mysterious statement of “keep this handy”.

 _Click_. The handcuffs fell off Keith and he sighed in temporary relief until he tried to stand, only to stumble over his twisted ankle and fall on Lance who gracefully caught him. “Woah, you good Keith?”

Suddenly, everything caught up to him. From the post-training fatigue to the lack of blood after coughing flowers up to his twisted ankle that prompted him to fall out of Lance’s grasp and his vision flashing black with the screams of Lance following him, something sounding like “Keith? You have to stop worrying me. I’ll get you to the med bay just...AUGH how am I supposed to carry you? Oh my god touching Keith. PIDGE, YOU’RE DEAD.”

♡♢♤♧

The pod opened slowly, signaling the end of the recovery process. Keith stumbled out, disoriented from his short time in the pod and collapsing on a body sprawled on the floor. Judging by the Castle lights, night had fallen and the rest of the Castle was asleep except for whoever he tripped on.

Lance. Stupidly cute Lance, laying there, snoring lightly and curled in a ball. It crushed his heart to see Lance so broken and vulnerable because of him. Yet his mind supplied the thought “he waited for you”.

“Been wonderin’ when you’d get out” Lance grumbled, waking up from his slumber.

Without thinking, Keith blurted “You waited.”

“Of course I did...it’s you Keith, why wouldn’t I wait?”

Keith’s heart felt overwhelming, beating faster and faster as he finally felt hope. “He cares,” his heart supplied once again, but his mind went against that. His mind told him Lance cared about everyone. Lance’s care extended to his love for his family to protecting strangers like Coran on their first days. He wasn’t special...he never was to anyone...

The thoughts overwhelmed him, flowers beginning to clog up his throat and suddenly talking seemed so hard. He choked out a hurt reply, “Because don’t you hate me, Lance. Don’t you?” he retorted, “I’m sorry.”

And he ran. He ran from the truth.

♡♢♤♧

“Keith, can I speak to you after breakfast?” Allura asked, her eyes looking worried. Breakfast was mostly normal with only a little more added tension between Keith and Lance. No one knew what happened, but they didn’t argue like normal, only kept to their side of the table and ignored each other.

The boy being addressed nodded his head before turning back to his bowl of goo, glaring at it like an enemy.

After breakfast, Keith reported to Allura’s room per request, only to be greeted by pictures of himself in the pod. “Keith, you have Hanahaki.” It was said as a statement, a definitive accusation that Keith could only bow his head to. “It’s already progressed so far, you won’t last much longer...please tell us who--”

“It’s Lance.”

Silence passed through the room.

“I mean it’s fine.” Keith muttered, willing the tears in his eyes not to fall. “He doesn’t like me like that. I mean look at him. He flirts with you on day one and not once has he looked my way. It’s okay.” His voice stuttered, heart feeling as broken as his lungs that were being torn apart by thorns.

Allura doesn’t say anything, but sits stands next to him and pats his back gently. She understands loss like he does. Slowly, she guides  him over to sit on her bed and passes him some tissues. Keith hugged his knees and sniffed, mumbling nonsense about anything. It’s like if he stopped, the tears would overwhelm him. “It’s just, Lance was always there. I lied when I said I forgot him at the Garrison. I lied to him, why would he love me back? I hurt him so many times. I led him to danger so many times. I’m a horrible leader--”

Soft hair draped his shoulders as Allura leaned in to hug him. “It’s okay Keith, _we_ ’ll help you. We love you too.”

He cried on her shoulder, letting all the walls down he’s put up. Throwing away the leader facade. He was human. He loved, he hated, he felt emotions.

Suddenly, a stumble in front of the door prompted the automatic opening, causing Lance to fall in awkwardly.

Keith and Allura, surprise to see him, separated themselves from their hug instantly, Keith wiping his tears one last time before facing Lance with unreadable eyes.

“Hey sorry about ruining your _bonding moment_ but like Coran asked me to get Allura...” Lance muttered, his face turning red. “I’m sorry I was eavesdropping but like it all makes sense. I’m sorry for thinking otherwise. I got it, I mean I heard the “love you too” and you two are so close. Like you guys are so perfect, congrats.”

“What are you talking about, Lance?” Keith choked out, already knowing the answer.

Lance clapped his hands sarcastically. “Congrats on your relationship obviously. Must have been funny to watch me flirt around with Allura when you already had her. Nice going, _rival_.” He spun on his heels, refusing to meet Keith’s eyes, only looking at Allura and saying “Coran said meet him at the deck as soon as possible.” And then he left.

And he look another part of Keith.

Flowers fell. Tears fell. But he only felt the ache in his chest grow.

♡♢♤♧

“Lance and Keith, please report to the deck, we have an impromptu mission.”

Keith hopped out of his bed, instantly waking himself up and putting on his paladin armor and grabbing his bayard before running down to the deck. He heard Lance rush down the hall after him, his long legs catching up to him with ease, yet running slightly behind him and not next to him.

Even a small detail like that hurt Keith.

“Paladins. Thank you for coming so quickly.” Allura called, point at the Castle screens. “It’s a small issue, so we only need you two, but there seems to be a small Galra fleet on this nearby planet, please exterminate them.” Allura gave them both a cautious look as neither of them seemed willing to work together. “And please, set the mission before all personal matters for the time being...”

Keith nodded, accepting the chance Allura was giving him. “Come on, Lance, let’s go.”

He only received a grunt in reply before they headed off to their respective lions.

No matter how many times Keith tried to start a conversation, only received minimal responses of “yes” and “no” about the mission. “Lance do you hate me?”

There was no answer for a long time until Keith heard a stressed sigh on the other end of the coms before Lance said “I’m muting you.” They finished the mission effortlessly, defeating the fleet with no injuries and minimal consequences before heading back to the castle.

Back, Lance immediately left the room, leaving Allura giving Keith a sympathetic look. His lungs hurt, he coughed up flowers, he coughed up thorns. Wheezing, he rested his head on Allura, and felt utterly useless. Hopeless.

♡♢♤♧

The next morning, Keith woke to himself coughing. Breath short, he fell off the bed awkwardly, collapsing in a heap of his own blankets. He was dying again. He felt the thorns cutting off his air. I was now or never.

“Lance, I we need to talk,” he said, reaching Lance’s door and knocking desperately.

There was no response. Keith pressed his back against the door, biting his lips in frustration. Tears welled out of his eyes which he wiped away in anger. Angry at himself for not doing something. Before it ended. Gritting his teeth, he stood up and trekked over to the training room and released his anger.

Every ounce of himself was poured into hitting the bots, vision blurry as tears fell. Each hit from the bot felt numb, he felt numb. His heart, his soul, everything. Everything.

And when he could no longer feel anything, he stopped, gripping his heart and falling to his knees. Wishing to erase everything. His pain. He screamed, wailed, and nothing mattered. It didn’t matter if his team members heard him. It didn’t matter when the door opened and Shiro enveloped him in a hug, carrying him back to the room.

Nothing mattered.

♡♢♤♧

“Lance, please speak to Keith.” Shiro said, using his Space Dad voice.

“You know...Keith is in his room right now? You should check on him” Pidge would say randomly in the commons.

“Hey Lance, can you bring this food goo to Keith?” Hunk would ask.

“How did the mission go with Keith?” Allura would question.

Lance ignored them all, refusing to see Keith. He felt foolish, falling into the role of the fool. How did he not notice anything. Lance was the one that didn’t realize Pidge was a girl. Lance was the one who didn’t realize when Shiro was a clone. Lance was the one who...didn’t see Allura and Keith’s relationship, or so he thought.

It hurt him. Of course he flirted with Allura on day one, so it seemed like he was jealous of Keith, but what he refused to acknowledge was Keith. Determined, elegant, Keith. They grew close, they formed a friendship, or something more. That was he wanted to believe.

Once or twice, he would stop in front of Keith’s room, almost knocking, but turning away.

♡♢♤♧

This time, Keith was determined to not leave without a trace. In bed, his hands shook when he wrote, but still he tried. Blood spilled out of his mouth and he knew he had less than a day left.

 

_Dear everyone,_

_If you are finding this, it means I didn’t make it. I was a fool for thinking I could make it. Thank you everyone who helped me, who tried to save me. I might have just been a leader to some of you, but I thought you guys were like family to me. I know I’ve found a home here in space._

_Allura, thank you for being strong for all of us. Coran, thank you for saving us so many times. Shiro, thank you for being the brother I never had. Thank you Pidge for always knowing what was wrong. Thank you Hunk for being the friendliest person I’ve ever met. I think by now all of you have learned the truth. When you find this, I’ll be surrounded by flowers. Thorns would have killed me. Loving someone is hard. It pains me to end like this._

_Please let me be remembered as a leader, but also someone who was entirely human._

 

_Finally, this is for Lance. Lance, I know you didn’t like me when we first met. But over time, I think we really grew to be more than friends. Or perhaps that is my one sided feelings. Lance, I loved you. No, I still do. My love for you ended me. I regret not telling you, but there’s no choice now. Don’t regret it. It’s my fault, not yours. You’re someone who makes me better, energetic, optimistic, and calm. You’re like an ocean, pulling me in. Thank you for being you._

_\--Keith_

♡♢♤♧

This time, he passed when he was awake, coughing until he couldn’t and feeling the burn in his throat before falling. It was a much different numbing than training, adding a burning fire through his veins.

The team found him hours after he didn’t respond. Rushing in and finding the note.

Allura read it first, a single tear falling down her face before she passed it onto Coran who had a similar response. After was the original paladins. Hunk rushed out of the room, face stained with tears.

Pidge yelled at no one “Why did you die? You idiot. Come back, please.”

Shiro clenched his hands in shame, he couldn’t save Keith. The responsibility crushed him, yet he stood tall., He didn’t let it show consciously, but as days passed, he found himself becoming more stiff and breaking things with his robotic arm by accident.

And finally Lance. At first he made a comment of “Oh Keith...didn’t mention me.” But when the rest of them left, he read over the note again, before realizing the back side. He flipped it and he fell to his knees, tears falling uncontrollably. He screamed, blaming himself, blaming Keith, blaming anyone.

“Why Keith? Why do you always have to be a self-sacrificing hero. I loved you Keith. How do I live without you? Tell me Keith.” Lance knew it was pointless, yelling at an unresponsive Keith. Yet he wailed, cradling Keith in his arms, stroking his hair and simply crying until he couldn’t anymore.

And when out of options, he leaned in and kissed Keith softly, wishing it was some fantasy where it would revive him. But nothing happened, Keith’s lips were dead cold.

Lance didn’t leave the room for days. His daily schedule became sleeping, waking, mourning, and repeating. Everything felt broken. He would find himself in front of Keith’s room some days, simply opening the door to find the room empty. He would see mirages of Keith sometimes, sitting next to him at breakfast, laughing at his jokes in the common room, telling him they were a good team on missions. But every time he turned to look, he was gone.

“Keith.” he would mutter at nights to no one, and if he tried hard enough he would hear Keith’s voice in his head.

He would dream of Keith, think of Keith...

But Keith was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading chapter 2! Chapter 3 should be out later today...I don't really edit much, so if there's grammatical/spelling mistakes, please let me know, I'll change them!


	3. Talk to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Third time Keith is bed ridden once again, yet weakly welcomes Lance in. Keith admits he has Hanahaki which leads them to speak about an "anonymous" crush that Lance struggles to guess who it is.

It was the same story again. Keith sat up with a gasp, running through the halls and seeing the same exact thing on the calendar. April 8th.

What to do this time? His eyes settled on the door.

If his friends couldn’t help him. He had to help himself. With determined eyes, he headed off to Lance’s room, waiting patiently as the paladin finished his morning routine before walking up to him. “Lance, we have to talk.”

“Yeah, sure, Keith, what’s up?”

Words struggled to reach his mouth. He fumbled around with his hands for a while before grabbing Lance’s hand and dragging the other boy to his room. Reaching his room, he realized that Lance was grabbing his hand back, feeling the sense of warmth from the other. It was comforting, but so fleeting.

“Lance, I need to tell you something, and I need you to not worry. And...don’t tell anyone.” Keith said quickly before settling down on his bed and slowly opening his mouth to cough up a few petals lodged up his throat. The petals were light blue, fluttering out in small pieces and coated with just the slightest hints of blood. But Keith knew better, soon the petals would turn to flowers and thorns and chew him up. Blood on the tips of flower will turn out to be clumps of blood being spat out in showers and bathrooms.

Lance hesitated, watching the scene in front of him. “Keith, what’s wrong?”

“I’m dying.”

“...please don’t let this be a joke, Keith.” Lance murmured, reaching out to touch the petals lining the bed. It felt so surreal, yet the petals felt so real. Soft and smooth, yet coated with a metallic bitterness.

Keith covered the hurt look in his eyes, looking back at Lance and answering, “It’s not a joke. It’s called Hanahaki, the flowers will gradually grow and grow until they block off my lungs, and I’ll suffocate. Hanahaki is caused by...love. Unrequited love. The only was it can be cured is by returning my feelings. Lance I love--”

“I’ll help you!” Lance shot up, hope glowing in his eyes. “Tell me who it is. I can set you up, or something?”

He wanted to scream _It’s you_ , but he didn’t. How cruel it would be to cut off Lance’s hope. Instead, he looked over with soft eyes and told him, “I won’t tell you who, but you can try to guess.”

“Is that a challenge, Kogane?”

A smirk rose in Keith’s face as even he couldn’t deny the taunt “Yes, McClain.”

♡♢♤♧

It was the same as any other cycle, he was fine for a few days, but then the blood loss and flowers increased and he was suddenly bedridden, forbidden from training and going on missions. When he passed out coughing one day in training, Lance was the one to catch him before he fell.

After that, he didn’t remember much, but apparently Lance had _just_ carried him back, and tucked him in.

Lance returned the next day, carrying two plates of food goo, balancing precariously on his arm. “Keith, it’s lunch! Also, tell me more about your crush!” Lance winked, sending Keith’s heart aflutter

“Well, they...are beautiful. And I don’t mean just externally, though they are quite a sight. I mean internally. They care about people more than themselves. Willing to defy everything I’ve ever learned to protect the people they care about, even if it means risking their own life. I wish they wouldn’t do that. I wish I could tell them how much they mean to me. They make me a better person, makes me think past my impulsive self and learn about people. They are wild, getting along with everyone sometimes I get jealous but realize they’re not mine. Yet I truly care about them in a way I cannot describe.”

Lance stared back at the bedridden boy. “Wow you really care about them then.”

Keith smiled softly, his eyes growing soft and a faint blush filling his cheeks. “Yeah.”

Never has anyone ever seen Keith so vulnerable. The soft glow in his eyes and the typical worry wrinkles fading into soft features, only emphasizing his natural beauty. Lying there, surrounded in blue petals, hair fanning out gracefully on the pillow only giving contrast to his pale white skin. For once, he didn’t have to hold up the leadership role of Voltron. For once, he looked so peaceful, stripping away the war and losses from his life.

Lance wanted to protect him. But how could he, when the very idea of Keith crushing on someone made his heart falter. Of course Keith would like someone. Strong. Gorgeous. Keith.

“They must be lucky. To have you I mean.”

“They don’t know” Keith mumbled, turning to face his pillow. “And they’ll never know. I’ll just die with these stupid flowers and my stupid feelings.”

Keith felt a warm hand rest on his shoulder reassuringly. “Hey, buddy, it’s okay. I’ll do whatever I can to help.” He didn’t reply, signaling Lance to leave for the day.

If only he could do something. If only he cared more than a friend.

♡♢♤♧

“Who is it then?” Lance asked, entering the door. It’s become a norm for Lance to visit him to clean up the petals a little and bring him food. Of course the rest of the team visits from time to time, but mostly it’s Lance.

“Why would I tell you? Weren’t you so confident you’d figure it out?”

“Because I’m like totally your best friend and I can help you. Come on pleaseeee, at least a hint.”

Keith rolled his eyes playfully. “Fine, but only if you get me a new shirt from my closet please.”

The ex-blue paladin shot up with the chance, scurrying over to the closet, opening it gently to find a shirt. It was mostly empty inside, only black tops, armor, the typical red jacket, and an embarrassingly short crop top from one of their diplomatic missions. Lance wondered why he kept that but didn’t ask as he tossed a shirt over to Keith who mumbled a quick thanks.

Keith looked over, first making sure Lance was turned before stripping off his shirt, noticing how weak he’s become. His arms were pale and much thinner. He still contained outlines of muscle, but next to them were bones. He ate. The food goo isn’t very good, but it sustained him. But the blood loss gradually was taking its toll.

“You can turn now,” Keith said, waiting as Lance took his usual seat on the bed before he began. “Well okay, here’s a hint for today. They are...humanoid.”

Lance groaned. “Aw come on. That’s like everyone.”

“No. That eliminates some aliens okay? If...if you come back tomorrow I’ll give you another hint.”

“Fine, that better be a promise.”

“Promise.”

♡♢♤♧

“I’ve loved them for years.”

Lance squinted his eyes as if analyzing that statement. “Are we counting Earth years? And are we counting space whale years? And how much is years?”

“I’m sure you can see my eyes rolling.”

He received a hum of denial. “Nope. No clue.” Keith chuckled weakly, his hand reaching out to brush over Lance’s face. Perhaps he could blame the petals for making him drowsy, but the feel of Lance’s hand felt enchanting. His skin care routine must really work since his hands were so much softer than Keith’s. However, he quickly pulled his hand away when he came to his senses, apologizing profusely.

“Sorry” he grumbled, turning and ending their day of conversation.

♡♢♤♧

“Is it Allura? I mean you guys ran away together in a pod. Plus you guys are so perfect for each other...I mean it’ll be perfect as like you’re both gorgeous and leaders.” Lance thought,  “Plus it’ll make our rivalry so much more interesting.”

Keith shook his head at the first incorrect guess, blushing when he realized Lance has subconsciously called him gorgeous. Yet his mind gave different thoughts, flashing back to how much that had hurt him in the last time loop. Lance’s look of betrayal when he stepped into the room was still vividly imprinted in his mind, “Nope, not Allura.”

“Ooh what about that Galra girl. One of Lotor’s generals, the one that spared your life?

“Lance...it’s not Axca. Uh...can I tell you something?” He fiddled with his fingers underneath his blanket, a worried look passing across his face.

Worry was only responded with acceptance. “Yeah?”

“I’m gay.”

He was met with silence. Keith feared turning around. He didn’t want to see Lance’s disgusted face. He didn’t want to see Lance reject him like everyone else. But instead, Lance was mute with shock. Not only did that eliminate half the options, but he never noticed. He never noticed how Keith was never amused by girl. It never occurred to him that had a chance. Much more than a chance.

“You can go if you’re disgusted” Keith mumbled.

Lance shook himself out of his thought, denying that immediately. “No no no, Keith. Not disgusted at all. Please Keith turn. How could I hate you for you? We accepted you were Galra, we can accept this too. Also, like...I’m bi.”

Keith turned as commanded, looking at Lance with something akin to hope. “Really?”

“Yeah” Lance breathed softly.

“Thank you.” Keith muttered, turning over once again and trying to suppress the blush spreading across his face. Luckily Lance took the hint and left for the day.

♡♢♤♧

“What about Shiro? You guys are close right?”

Keith rolled his eyes. Another miss. “Nope. He’s like a brother to me.”

“Ughhhh, new hint?”

He stared at the blank ceiling, thinking of something else. Staring at Lance didn’t help his cause when he wanted to yell who it was. Instead he said “Hanahaki flowers differ in symbolism. The flowers I’m coughing up are apparently Forget Me Nots. Blue, delicate, and just like the person I like.”

Lance tapped his finger on his chin, deep in thought. “Ugh I don’t know.”

♡♢♤♧

“Forget me nots, they mean undying love, huh? Keith, I never took you for a romantic. Fidelity and loyalty to memories. Connections through time...wow this is deep...” Lance mumbled, looking at his messily scrawled note card of research from their library.

“Did your research huh?” Keith muttered, embarrassed at the flower and how perfectly they described Lance.

Lance stuck at his tongue playfully. “Actually it was mostly Pidge, but hey I try. She gave me questioning looks, but I just said it was for fun, you know? Don’t want your secrets spilling out to the hacker kid.” He looked at Keith’s resting face below him, suddenly asking “Keith, can I braid your hair?”

“Uh...” Keith paused before saying “Sure” at the same time as Lance shouted “I mean, only if you want to.”

Both of them looked at each other and laughed. Lance lifted Keith easily and set the smaller boy in his lap and began to weave together his hair. Of course Lance has always looked at his hair from afar, only taking note of the mullet because it was so elegant, mocking it simply because he couldn’t stand acknowledging it.

But from this distance, it was entirely something else. Even after not washing it for a while, Keith’s hair still smelled like vanilla and was silky soft. How much Lance just wanted to bury his head into Keith’s hair, but instead he simply weaved together strands like how his niece once taught him, carefully pulling one strand over another and pull it tight, but not tight enough to hurt Keith. Slowly, the braids grew from the sides and middle of Keith’s head before they merged together and Lance motion for a hair tie which Keith supplied.

“Haha, you should see how you look, Keith.” Lance laughed, pulling out his phone and snapping a picture of an awkward Keith smile. He wanted to tell Keith how cute he was, but what was the point when Keith already was crushing, apparently very hard, on someone else?

When Lance left that day, both boys felt their hearts falling heavy.

♡♢♤♧

“Hunk? Lotor? Rolo? Matt? Coran? Uh what were the Blade’s names?”

Keith sent a concerned look at Lance. “Uh no, definitely not, yuck no, naw, and nope. Are you just going to guess every single male in the universe? You’re gonna run out of time soon.” He sighed, partially relieved that Lance was no where close, but also every guess sent a feeling of dread down his stomach. “Why do you even care who it is?” he felt himself asking.

“Because...” Lance started, pausing himself to lean forward and place his phone on the nightstand to think. Thinking before he knew he would saying something embarrassing. “Because you’re an important part of the team,” he concluded, looking away as what he truly wanted to say was clearly jealous.

“Well don’t worry about the team. You can still form Voltron, save the universe for me. Plus, it’s not like the idea of me leaving hasn’t passed my mind. That’s why I left for the Blades, so you could have a place to be. And when I thought how the team would suffer, I didn’t hesitate to drive that cruiser into the barrier.”

Keith’s smile faded as he caught the horrified look on Lance’s face. Oh quiznak, he forgot the team didn’t know about his sacrificial mission. “Keith...don’t tell me you really--”

“I’m sorry--”

“Stop it!” Lance exclaimed angrily, jumping off the bed and turning to face Keith, unable to hide the hurt and anger in his eyes. “Did you seriously almost get yourself killed just because you thought it’ll _help_ us? What would have happened if Lotor didn’t come? Would we still be here? Did you forget about us? What the hell, Keith? No. Absolutely not. Promise me you’ll never do that again. Please Keith. What will we do if you die? Sorry just doesn’t cut it.”

Keith got up angrily, adrenaline pushing him so he could stand for the first time in weeks. He stormed right up to Lance and stabbed his chest with a finger. “Look here Lance. What if the Galra ships weren’t stopped? What if they attacked Voltron? What if _you_ died?”

Lance grabbed his hands back, pinning Keith to the wall and yelled back “We would fight them off. Just because it was a mission, doesn’t mean you can throw your life away like that! Keith, listen to yourself.”

“No, listen to you. Voltron can’t always win. This isn’t some story. If the Galra get the lions, the universe is over. If it’s one life for the rest of the universe, it’s a noble sacrifice. I would protect you all, we would protect the innocents. I’ve lived in this war. In my whole life, I’ve never had anyone who protected me until Shiro came along. _I_ want to be that person for others.”

They both crumbled down when Lance began to cry, angry tears streaming down his face. “So why care so much about a team you left? What? Is if because your dumb crush is on the Castle?”

“Yes they are. So go away, Lance. Just leave me alone.”

The words seemed to have the same effect on Lance as the first time loop. He stumbled back as if Keith had hit him, his anger falling as tears turned to sadness. He shook his head, willing the flashbacks to stop. It was like he was twelve again, coming out to his parents and somehow his uncle overheard. Of course he didn’t accept Lance. And no matter how much Lance pleaded, bringing back girls he never felt anything for, his uncle would slam the door, saying the same thing.

“Lance, just leave me alone.”

And so he ran. Ran away from his uncle, and ran away from Keith’s room. Running from the truth.

♡♢♤♧

“Hey, Lance, how’s Keith going? Getting better?” Shiro asked a few days later, seeing the gloom above Lance’s head. They had all assumed it was because of the recent mission where the queen had been quite reluctant to join the alliance.

However, Lance just muttered, “Haven’t gone to see him.”

The team looked at him in shock, knowing that through the weeks, Lance had chatted about Keith animatedly daily. Whether it was about how Keith was doing or just general memories of the two working together, he had been nonstop. And suddenly Lance stopping to visit Keith had seemed eerily strange.

“It’s nothing much, we just got in a little disagreement.” Lance forced a smile “Not like that’s new around here, I mean when we are rivals, we fight about everything.” He awkwardly got up, feeling the need to run away from this situation. “And uh thanks for lunch Hunk, it was great.” And he bolted out of the room, leaving a half eaten bowl of goo behind.

And he ran to the only place he could, past the commons, past the deck, past his own room, and to the observatory. It was a rather large room, yet only Lance used it most of the time. Once or twice he’d seen Keith there, staring peacefully into space and left him alone. Other times, he would join Keith.

But today, he was alone, weeping to himself in the corner, letting the stars wipe his tears away.

He thought and thought, wondering if Keith would ever forgive him. The old Keith would never, the cold stares he would give Lance when he did something dumb. But now, after they’d bonded he knew with certainty that Keith would never hate him for an argument.

And so he resolved to return to Keith’s room the next day.

♡♢♤♧

The room was darker than normal when Lance opened the door, the odor of metal assaulted his senses. As his eyes adjusted to the room, he soon realized why.

There, he saw more flowers in the room than ever before, which was expected since Lance hadn’t come to clean it, but amongst the flowers were pools of blood, growing in a trail and gradually leading up to Keith, who weakly coughed, unable to move his head and look over.

“Keith, I just...oh my god no, don’t let it be too late. I’m so sorry.”

Keith simply shook his head, unable to respond before reaching out for Lance’s hands, holding them close for the last minutes of his life. They were so warm. He’d shriveled in the past few days, cold and pained. How many times he thought of going over a room and apologizing, but his legs no longer obeyed him.

Lance panicked. “I’ll get the team, maybe Allura can do something.” As he rushed out, Keith felt the final warmth leave his body and maybe it was because he’d lived through this twice already, but he no longer felt anything. It wasn’t a glowing light at the end of a tunnel, but simply nothing.

When Lance returned, he was already gone.

♡♢♤♧

Hunk and Pidge gathered Lance in blankets, the team morale totally lost, but still they comforted their friend, asking what happened. In the midst of weeping, Lance stuttered,

“Keith had Hanahaki. H-he said it was something like flowers that were tearing him u-up because of unrequited love and he didn’t tell me w-who it was. A-all he did was tell me i-it was a male, and I guessed. I tried. It’s someone on this castle, and it’s not Shiro, not Hunk, not Coran. I d-don’t know who’s left. And the flowers. They were so blue, but so r-red with blood and he was so weak and I couldn’t save him. W-we argued because he almost s-sacrificed himself and I don’t know who it is and I’m a terrible friend and I couldn’t save him--”

Hunk put a reassuring hand on his back, rubbing him gently. The clues ran through Pidge’s mind and she came to the only possible conclusion. Reaching to lift Lance’s head, she told him the answer.

“It was you, Lance.”

And no matter how much Lance tried to deny it, it was utterly true, laid out in from of him as plain as day. How foolish he had to be to be blind. He shook, letting out everything, his feelings, shouting at himself to be better and how he regretted not telling Keith how much he cared.

Even so, he somehow got up after that, walking aimlessly until he found himself in front of Keith’s room.

The door opened automatically, no longer locked by password and no one would be using the room anymore. The petals were cleaned up but Keith’s belongings still remained, a constant haunting of his presence. Lance trailed around the room, taking note of everything from Keith’s red jacket, which he ended up taking to his room, to his blade, remembering how Lance would always joke about him training too much. But the room was empty without meaning. There were no pictures on the walls, and nothing.

He automatically took a seat on Keith’s bed before he realized he left his phone on the nightstand. Shakily, he grabbed the phone and unlocked it, being sent to a recent picture of Keith awkwardly smiling to the camera with braids. Lance laughed heavily, wishing he could go back to that day. He reached to trace Keith’s hair in the picture, tears falling again and unknowingly, he swiped to the next picture.

This wasn’t a picture he recalled taking, so he wiped his tears and squinted at the picture, before falling into tears again, this time silently as he clutched the phone to his chest.

In the picture was a simply picture of a familiar blue flower being held by the iconic finger less gloves. Attached to the flower was a small note.

“I love you. Lance, Forget-Me-Not. --Keith”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's chapter 3. More angst...sorry Keith. Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> Find me on twt @x_GraveMe...yell at me if you want?


	4. Why Can't It Be Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith decides to change his fate another way, going on a mission together with Lance. Unexpectedly, the Hanahaki proceeds faster as Keith is conflicted with his own feelings listening to Lance speak fondly about Allura.

Another cycle. After so many times, it began to seem even more hopeless. What was the point of trying if he was just going to die again? Keith was tired, so tired of the lack of options. He groaned, rolling over, glaring at the wall in front of him as if that’ll fix his issues. It was the same wall he woke up to every day, the monochromatic view every day. It stared at him as he died so many times, the same blue glow of the lights on the metallic wall.

Sighing, he got up and set off to the training room like he would normally, hitting bots with no real meaning. It was lackluster in contrast to his dance in the first cycle. He didn’t bother increasing the level, simply keeping the bot at a low level and allowing his mind to run to all the possibilities. If this was the same time loop, Lance would come soon and even if he tried, there was no point of confessing.

And as expected, a yawn in the doorway interrupted his thinking, but this time he didn’t get hit by a gladiator, thankfully. He turned off the program, turning to face Lance. The Cuban boy opened his mouth beginning to speak, but Keith interrupted him with a quick, “Breakfast, yeah, I’ll be down in a second.”

Internally, he criticized himself for being so blunt. But as Lance turned to leave, Keith took a chance and shouted.

“Wait, Lance.”

Lance turned with a questioning look. “I uh, just wanted to check in, how are you doing?” Keith asked awkwardly as if that was something he always asked.

“I’m fine, why?”

“Uh, nothing, never mind.” Keith muttered, face turning red.

Lance laughed, a sound melodic to Keith’s ears. “Keith, dude, are you blushing?”

“NO. It’s just...I was training too hard, shut up,” he pouted, walking up to Lance and pushing him gently towards the door. “I’ll be there in a few minutes, just wait okay?”

♡♢♤♧

And he arrived soon after as requested. His mind ran though all the differences in this time loop. First of all, he hadn’t head over to the library, so he was the second to the kitchen after Hunk. He took his typical seat, running through the options to determine the best action.

As paladin after paladin streamed in slowly, with Pidge coming in still staring at her phone device and Lance skipping in happily, to Shiro sighing at the doorway in stress. Allura was the last to arrive.

“Paladins, we have a mission to a nearby planet to collect plants for a diplomatic missions, who wants to go?” Allura announced, flourishing into the room. Of course, this was a difference. All the time loops before, he’d had either been too sick to leave the Castle, or didn’t volunteer for this mission. Perhaps, if he actually listened to Shiro and got Lance in private on a mission, everything could work out.

Keith shot out of his chair, the seat scraping loudly on the floor before falling over, raising his hand in tribute and almost shouting “I’ll go.”

The rest of the team looked at him in shock at his willingness to take a rather boring, non-combative mission.

“Eh, Mullet wants to do something that doesn’t involve fighting?” Lance voiced for the team. “Well, color me intrigued, I want to go too, Allura.”

“Well it’s settled, Lance and Keith, you two will depart tomorrow.”

They all cheered in unison, and Keith was glad Lance volunteered himself. Perhaps thing were finally going to go his way. And he couldn’t help but hum quietly on the way back to his room, the day whizzing by quickly as he felt he barely felt time pass until his head hit the pillow again, staring back at that blank wall. Hope of something, anything pushed the petals down. And as he drifted away into sleep, he only had one thought, repeating like a mantra.

“Don’t screw this up, Keith.”

♡♢♤♧

“Darn why am I stuck with Mullet. I’d rather do this mission with Allura or Hunk. Or even Pidge is better than you.”

Keith rolled his eyes, “It’s not like I want to be here either. You’re the one who volunteered yourself after all. Let’s just get this over with.” Inside, Keith was nervous, wondering what deity blessed him with the option of having some alone time with Lance, until it became a curse.

“What are we even looking for again?”

“Didn’t you listen to the meeting? We’re looking for a certain type of flower, a purple blue gradient, which apparently also glows. Apparently the natives of this planet hold the flower in high regard.”

Lance sighed, fiddling with the edges of his bayard, sticking unnaturally close to Keith for a non-combative missions. “Boring...just like the meeting.” Pausing for a second, he continued, “was too busy listening to ‘Llura’s voice to pay attention to the meeting.” Lance winked, as if it was perfectly normal.

And suddenly everything came crashing down. Keith’s composure shattered and the name Allura echoed through his head like a taunt. He wanted to scream, but flowers blocked his throat, constricting him. The former red paladin swayed back and forth before collapsing on a tree, causing the former blue paladin to turn in concern.

“Keith, are you okay?”

The fallen boy nodded weakly, muttering a quick “Go ahead.” And by some miracle, Lance hesitated, but continued ahead, leaving Keith some room to cough up the flowers. More blood stained the petals than he remembered on every other second day. What happened? What went wrong?

Resting his head on the tree, he breathed in slowly, returning his composure before wiping his mouth, making sure there was no blood left before catching up to Lance. He reached a clearing, pushing away the foliage and caught a glance of Lance simply standing there, surrounded by the most vibrant rainbow he’s ever seen.

Quietly, he walked over to Lance, joining him in the opening. Keith put a soft hand on Lance’s shoulder, looking with him in awe at the scene. They were absolutely stunned, quiet for a while.

“Feels like home.” Lance whispered under his breath, as if afraid to break his own trance. Keith simply hummed in agreement. As much as he wanted to relish the feeling of the open air and wind, he couldn’t help but turn and look at Lance instead, capturing everything from his fine jawline to blue eyes and soft skin.

“Lance, we should go,” Keith voiced, hesitantly, and the scene was broken as Lance shot a strained smile and nodded in agreement as they walked ahead.

As they cut through more plants, they found a few more of the described flowers, before Lance suddenly stopped.

“Sh, what’s there?” Lance pointer, and Keith squinted in the distance, surprised how the sharpshooter of the team was able to see things at such a far distance. “Looks like a Galra base.”

Keith narrowed his eyes, instinctively reaching for his blade. “Allura didn’t say anything about this...”

“Well, it’s probably abandoned then, wanna check it out?”

♡♢♤♧

As expected, the base was relatively small and abandoned. The electricity was completely out so they used the lights from their paladin suits to navigate through, an eerie silence falling between them.

They went through several different hallways with no results worth mentioning. Doors were yanked open with force and nothing was found inside but a few beds and chairs, utterly deserted. No weapons were even left on the ship, as if the Galra simply were here for a short time before fleeing with all their weapons, which begged the question of what exactly happened for everyone to evacuate.

Until it all made sense. Turning the hallway, the two were met with four pairs of glowing red eyes.

“Lance, run, find cover,” Keith ordered, whipping out his bayard and slashing at the mysterious beasts. Lance yelped, pulling out his gun and firing cover. However, the beasts seemed to have a strange aura around them that negated gunshots. Realizing the pointlessness of his actions, Lance turned, grabbing Keith’s hand and dashing down the hall into the nearest door, pushing them both in before a resounding click echoed through the room.

However, this wasn’t the greatest idea, as the room was no ordinary living room, but rather, a small storage space. Locked in. Luckily, the beasts didn’t follow, but that was the least of his worries right now.

First Keith was bewildered as Lance was still holding his hand, causing a faint blush to creep up his cheeks and followed by another thought:

Trapped. Ideas ran through Keith’s mind rapidly, feeling the walls and attempting to find an escape. But with no luck. They were stuck in a small room, no knob on the other side and only the soft glow of their armor to see. It was a cramped place, with barely enough room for one person, it was a wonder how both of them fit.

Yet it was extremely awkward. Keith felt his hair pressed against Lance’s face, feeling every breath of the taller boy. Calm down, my fragile heart, Keith muttered to himself.

“What did you say?” Lance asked, chuckling awkwardly in attempt to relieve the tension in the room.

Keith said nothing, simply grabbing his own hand back before sinking to the bottom of the room and sighing, attempting to contact the Castle.

“Castle, come in. We were gathering plants and found an abandoned Galra base, where we got uh stuck, can you sent back up ASAP? There are no Galra, only some beasts running around.” he sighed into the com, relieved it connected.

Allura’s voice called back, “On it, I’ll send Hunk and Pidge.”

He relayed the message to Lance, only to be responded with a “Aw, couldn’t let me talk to Allura? Well, at least they’re coming. Would be much better if the _princess_ was coming to pick us up, but hey it be like that sometimes. Wanna pass some time just chatting?”  
And resisting the urge to cough up flowers, Keith whispered “Sure, sharpshooter”

♡♢♤♧

“And like, my mom was _furious_. Like I thought I was the trouble child, or even maybe Veronica, but you should have seen the look on her face when my little brother broke her engagement photo. Oh my god. Normally my mom is so chill like she really doesn’t care about most things, but this was something else--” Lance chucked, talking about his family for what seemed like hours, but who knows how much time has actually passed.

Keith simply watched him, mesmerized by the softness in his voice as the taller boy spoke of his family. As hectic and annoying siblings sounded, they also sounded comforting, something Keith never thought of before.

“And finally, my mom forgave him, but it was truly terrorizing. We were left to eat the Cuban equivalent of cup noodles for weeks dude. Even space goo is better than that.” Lance concluded. “What about you, what’s interesting about you? Any good childhood stories you got?”

“Uh...well I never really had family until we found Krolia. I guess it’s still odd though. It’s not like I call her mom...I think I rather think of the team as my family...”

Lance laughed softly in agreement “Yeah, we are a family. A big dysfunctional family. With Shiro being the dad, Coran being the crazy uncle, Pidge being like a little sister, Hunk being an older brother, and Allura. Oh Allura.”

Keith groaned, knowing Lance would say Allura was his girlfriend, his throat beginning to ache with flowers.. And like the reckless teen he was, instead of shutting up like he should have, he instead dug his own grave “Why don’t you ask her out? When we get back to Earth I mean?”

Behind him, Keith felt the taller boy stiffen with the question. Was this a wrong choice?

A moment of silence before Lance sighed stiffly. “You really think I should?” And he sounded so hopeful. Such an innocent want of a relationship. It was so touching, yet Keith knew the softness wasn’t for him. And as much as Keith wanted to protect that innocent, there was an ugly feeling of jealousy pooling in his stomach.

“No, you shouldn’t,” he felt himself mutter, almost inaudible, but quite clear in the small space.

He turned to face Lance to gauge the boy’s reaction and one look at the tense smile made him regret his words already. Behind the small smile was undecipherable hurt.

“Is it because...” a wry laugh escaped from the ex-blue paladin, a pained sound echoing through the room. If Keith had turned to look again he would see the formation of tears in the taller boy’s eyes. “Is it because you’re jealous, Keith? Is that it?” As much as he wanted to continue, he couldn’t, almost afraid of the answer.

Silence. “What is there even to do if I said yes?” Keith asked, already feeling overwhelmed.

Both paladins stood there, tightly packed against each other, measuring the gravity of the situation. On Keith’s side, it was his fourth loop. Three different deaths. He had practically confessed his feelings. And now the choice of his life was quite literally in the other boy’s hands. Either it worked or it didn’t...

And Lance. It wasn’t that Keith’s statement took him by surprise, it was simply the ambiguity of the said statement. On one very hopeful hand, it could mean that Keith was jealous because he liked Allura, meaning that Keith liked him. But how was that even plausible when they blatantly acted as if they were rivals? As wonderful as Keith loving him sounded, it seemed utterly impossible. On the other hand, that statement could also mean that Keith was jealous because of Allura. That would make sense, even giving a reason for their rivalry.

“I would ask you if you meant it.” Lance muttered softly, words brushing past Keith’s ears lightly.

“I do. I mean it.” Dark eyes turned to meet Lance’s.

A small nod, a smile grazed over his features, begging him to keep the clown act he’s always had, yet his tone betraying him completely. “I see. So this is what it’s about, Kogane. Is that why you left with Allura? Together in the pods. I get it. So this whole time, you were laughing at my attitude. I was a quiznaking clown to you wasn’t I? You like Allura too, don’t you. That’s why you hate me.”

How could a simple line mean such a different meaning.

“Lance no--”

“DON’T LANCE ME. Did you just throw around my feelings for no goddamn reason. To think I actually had a chance against the one and only Keith Kogane. Like I could ever match up to you in anything. Not in combat. Not in looks. Not in anything. Well I’m sorry if I’m not the tragic hero of a backstory. I can’t be you. I’ve got no sob childhood of no parents. I don’t have years of being alone in a desert. I don’t have any of that.”

Keith winced as if the word physically were carving scars in his heart.

“And I’m _sorry Keith._ But maybe when we save her home planet you guys can have your time together and be all happy and leave me here. Sure I’ve got family and all that, but what would I do without you two?”

“Lance, stop.”

A loud slap reverberated through the room. A pale hand reached up to touch his face, shocked. His cheek stung, a red hand print beginning to form on the surface right next to the scar. Hesitantly, Keith looked up only to be met with tears streaming down Lance’s face, a shaking hand raised.

And as much as the slap hurt, all Keith could feel was the flowers.

Rejection.

♡♢♤♧

It felt cold. Utterly freezing in the face of rejection. It wasn’t anything like before where he had rejected love himself, but rather hearing the words directly did something else entirely. As if the flowers weren’t moving quickly already, he could suddenly feel each thorn pricking into his skin, taunting him to give up. And he knew how easy it was to fall into the flowers, aching lungs that just wanted to be freed.

One cough, blood dripped into his hand. And as if floodgates were suddenly open, the flowers began spilling out, petals, flowers, thorns. Ripping him apart.

“What going on Keith?”

Keith grasped for air, scratching at his neck in a desperate attempt to let the flowers out. Anything. Anything for breath. He grabbed at Lance, falling into his arms, yet not being able to utter a word. The face of despair on Lance’s face hurt him; it was almost like he cared. He wanted to respond, reassure him everything was okay. But he couldn’t.

He attempted to call out, to do anything to end the pain, but nothing came up. Desperately, he grabbed Lance’s hand and pointed and Lance, begging him to listen. And in a series of motions, he pointed to himself and then at Lance’s heart, hoping if nothing else that Lance understood.

Lance gripped onto him like a support, oblivious to Keith’s hand motions, desperately calling the Castle. “Uh, guys. Big issue, code red, Keith is coughing up...flowers? I think he can’t breath. Please send help. Please” His voice cracked at the last word as a low groan escaped from Keith’s lips, sounding very out of character. “Please don’t die on me, Keith. Please. Don’t leave me...us.”

But the raven haired boy could no longer hear him, instead drowning in the sounds of wet coughs and heaving. No, it couldn’t be ending so quickly. He should have more time...the only thing different this time was...

Allura.

As soon as he thought her name, the flowers fall out faster and faster. Of course, Lance loving Allura hurt it much more than being oblivious. How he wished to return to that state of being in the dark.

Soon, both their armors were covered with blood the color of Keith’s suit. Lance’s eyes frantic, hoping for someone to save them, to save Keith. But they came too late, busting down the door when Keith’s breath finally stopped. Lance stepped out first, the team concerned with the amount of blood on him, but instead his eyes were downcast and the rest of the team glanced inside to see a crumpled Keith.

They were quiet, giving Lance reassuring pats as he wailed. “It’s my fault he died. It’s all my fault. I should die. Keith, wait for me. Why didn’t you tell me? What did you mean? Why did you--”

Hunk and Pidge hugged away his tears, but not his sorrows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay chapter 4. Thank you so much for reading. As normal, tell me if I have any grammatical/spelling errors, I'm trying to post these out as soon as possible...
> 
> Also I promise Keith only dies one more time, then he gets his happy end.


	5. Forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fifth time in, Keith gradually gives in. Returning back to how it all began, he discovers the surgery to remove the flowers at the cost of his feelings for Lance. But after all these deaths, he deems the measure extreme enough. But who is Keith without love?

April 8th, 7:30. It was too late. It’s been too much for him to bear. Nothing worked. Nothing. Blank walls stared back at him, willing him to do something. But what was that point. Last time it was clear that Lance didn’t love him. No cell in his body wanted to move. He simply wanted to stay there, lying in bed for the rest of all the timelines. How utterly pointless were these cycles without a solution?

Begrudgingly, he felt his stomach grumble softly as a sign of his hunger. He pushed himself off the bed, not bothering to smooth out his shirt or even grab his shoes, he trudged down the hallway, hoping that no one was in the kitchen yet. Luckily he caught the room before Hunk had begun breakfast.

Keith quickly grabbed a bowl of goo and devoured it like his life depended on it, when in contrast his life laid in his lungs and at the mercy of flowers. His mind wandered to how this all started. He pushed everyone away. Then he didn’t have the courage to confess. And when he did, it was all misunderstood. What a cruel irony, surely a god was mocking his very existence in this pitiful world.

Mindlessly, his legs followed the path to where it all started. The training room. It was as empty as ever, beckoning him to train and save the universe. But was there a point when he couldn’t even save himself. He then followed himself to the library, glancing over the shelves and finding the book once again. Ripping the book off the shelf, he decided to give it another chance. Perhaps past the first page.

His eyes skimmed through the book. There had to be another way. Another way to cure this without dying. “The flowers can be removed surgically.”

Keith paused. Why had he not read this before. Damn. “However, removing the flower will remove all memories and feelings of the loved. In some cases, this may remove love from the victim altogether.” Oh. That’s why this information was stuck in the back of this book. Of course there was a deadly consequence.

The simplicity of the words weighed on him. Forget Lance or die. But what would life be without Lance? Could he really forget someone he loved so much? As much as his heart told him he couldn’t, his mind was tired of dying over and over. If anything, this was worth a try.

♡♢♤♧

“Oh yes, it seems this planet uses the plants in a ritual for medical purposes. This species is actually quite adept in all sorts of treatment, well known for curing anything!” Coran explained rapidly.

Keith paused. This was his chance. “Can we stop by this planet quickly?”

“Is something wrong, Keith?” Shiro questioned worriedly. “Are you sick?”

“Not quite. I just wanted to get something checked” Keith answered smoothly, already expecting his request to be taken strangely and with concern. “I’ve just been feeling out of sorts on some days and I have a feeling it may be related to my lineage, so I just wanted to ask professionals some questions.”

The whole table looked concerned, and Lance voiced his thoughts, “Are you sure, Keith? Like, this has nothing else to do with I dunno maybe the team or something?”

“I don’t recall asking you.” Keith responded coldly before excusing himself from the table. If he was going to forget Lance, it was best to do it when they weren’t on good terms anymore. Hopefully that’ll soften the blow, his mind through sourly, knowing there was nothing that could really dull the pain.

Being forgotten hurt. He saw the pain in Lance’s eyes when they rescued Shiro. And even now, Keith wondered if he remembered Lance. And the pain of their bonding moment being forgotten. Perhaps it was his karma for forgetting Lance. The universe’s cruel way of responding to his efforts. What an inhumane universe to even give him the lack of choices. A weak irony to the “victory or death” as his choices were “forget or death.”

♡♢♤♧

Yellow eyes of the Black Lion stared back at him, analyzing its pilot with a critical look. A roar shook said pilot’s soul as he knew the lion was telling him to stop. The choice was impulsive and he knew it. They all knew it.

“Please open up,” Keith requested softly, pressing his hand on the particle barrier, but the sentient being didn’t budge. An escape pod would take too much time, and it’ll be better if he took a lion, but apparently his lion refused to let him get the surgery. “Fine, be that way.” He scowled, sinking down and leaning against the barrier.

Sighing, he tried to connect with his lion again, only to be interrupted by another thought.  Red.

Surprisingly enough, the impulsive, fiery Red Lion, lion of previously Keith’s and current lion of Lance, responded. It was a soft murmur, quite a contrast to the roars he was accustomed to. It was a soft plead to not hurt her current pilot as her particle barrier went down at the same time.

With pained eyes, Keith left Black who sent him frustrated thoughts he ignored as he went forward to Red, passing through to the pilots chamber he remembered.

Eyes lit up as a small voice called. “Keith, what the heck are you doing in the _red_ lion?”

Glancing at the plethora of screens in front of him, Keith saw Pidge standing below the lion, arms waving wildly in a sign to stop. Keith sighed before answering, “Black won’t let me in.”

“Shouldn’t you talk to Lance about this before just...leaving?”

While yes, Keith was technically stealing Lance’s lion, Red used to be his. Plus, it shouldn’t be such an issue if Voltron wasn't needed any time soon, so it didn’t matter which lion he took.

Pidge, sensing his hesitation like the genius she was added, “It’s not just because you’re taking his lion, but also, just a general good bye is fine you know. Lance, he was probably the one that was affected the most when you left for the Blades, sulking all the time. I mean, I shouldn’t tell you this, but I’ll just say it anyway.”

A long pause. Lance was worried for him at the Blades. Was _affected_ when he left. His heart fluttered with something that sounded a lot like hope. But as usual his mind shut it down. Remember the last cycle, it repeated, remember how he loves Allura and not you. You don’t have a chance. You _never_ had a chance. Look at yourself, as if you’re even worth Lance. As if you’d ever be better than Allura. As if cycles and cycles of this time would change his feelings.

“Whatever, I’m leaving.” Keith clipped out, turning of the screen and launching off, determined to ward of the concerns of his teammates for his own sake.

♡♢♤♧

Keith had to admit, he loved the Black lion, but sometimes leadership was truly stressful. Sometimes, he missed the thrill the Red lion brought him. And the shrill excitement that flooded his veins when they soared together rapidly through stars and planets as they were right now.

As he reached the planet he desired, he slowed Red, still laughing from the euphoria, yet gaining enough sanity to land the lion in a patch of green plains.

From there, he exited the lion and headed into the city, marveling the architecture. The buildings were all made from some type of white material, porous yet incredibly stable. Towers soared over his head and well up to the height of his lion even. And the streets were pristine, lined with an alien equivalent of flowers that let out a pleasant aroma. And even so, the city was filled with aliens, meandering cheerfully, a tiny bob on their heads signifying how happy each one was as the bobs danced cheerfully.

And even more pleasant was the street signs that directed him to the hospital which followed a similar architecture as the other building. Entering, he was greeted by an alien in a front desk, which was normal other than the fact the desk was floating. But that’s besides the point.

“Hello, I’m Keith, the black paladin. I would like to...uh book an appointment?”

The alien chirped something that sounded similar to bird calls, but luckily his translator picked up, “Fora paladin of Voltron, we’ll get a doctor immediately.”

As he thanked the attendant, a doctor came out just in time as Keith finished. As he followed the doctor down the long halls of rooms, a feeling of dread began to crawl into his throat. Forgetting Lance. It was such a definite statement. Only terrifying because of how real it was.

“How may I help you today, paladin?” the doctor chirped, interrupting Keith’s hesitation.

Inhaling sharply, Keith began to describe his situation all the way from the flowers blooming inside him to Hanahaki and the medical procedure to supposedly cure him. The doctor listened quietly, eyes turning from bright to a dull sadness. He gestured for Keith to lay on a bed before motioning for the door, leaving for a short amount of time with the surgery tools, an intimidating scalpel and other machines that he hooked up to Keith.

Holding up a pill, he told Keith. “This’ll make you fall asleep for the procedure. Are you sure you want to proceed.”

Keith simply took the pill and swallowed it before he had second thoughts, falling into a deep slumber, a dreamless universe that drowned his very existence.

♡♢♤♧

Keith woke up the harsh lights of the hospital. Blinking a few times, his vision clarified into hazy figures around him, murmuring something he couldn’t translate without his armor.

He attempted to lift himself up, only to be hit with a nauseating wave of pain. Wincing he saw one of the figures rush to him and inject him with needle that immediately satiated his pain. He sighed, as another needle was pricked into him which allowed him to see clearer and memories began to come back to him.

He had the surgery. For what? Oh right, Hanahaki. He felt his lungs, feeling them breathe in entirely pure air. It was a blissful feeling, yet he felt the sense of something empty within. Perhaps it was just the lack of flowers, but what did the flowers stem from again? He couldn’t seem to recall. Keith pondered if it was perhaps an infection from another planet and it was a threat to the mission, hence he got it removed. Yes, that had to be why. It was only logical.

After a few more check ups, the hospital released him and Keith walked straight past the front desk and doctors who all wanted to check up on him, focusing instead on the mission in front of him. Never before has he ever given his full undivided attention to bringing the Galra down.

Passing through the city felt bland all of a sudden, the walls all the same pale white color.

And it wasn’t of any interest of him as he passed by people until finally meeting up with his Lion. Red, the same lion he remembered so clearly being the pilot for. She let him in, as she should, and he began the ride back, not bothering to do insane stunts and simply focusing on piloting back to the Castle as fast as possible, executing a perfect landing before heading over to the bridge to discuss a new plan with Allura and Shiro.

♡♢♤♧

Walking into the bridge, he was met with more faces than he remembered should be there. They all spoke in hushed whispers frantically as Pidge held a book with a flower on its cover.

The first to speak was a short haired Cuban boy who leapt up and shouted. “Keith!”

“Who are you?” Keith demanded, looking straight at Lance.

“Keith...is this a joke? What do you mean? It’s me...Lance. You know, pilot of the red lion, your rival, best friend, right hand man? Lancey Lance? Lover Boy? Please tell me you’re joking Keith.” Lance cried, yanking at Keith’s sleeve in a desperate attempt to grab his attention.

“Nonsense. I pilot the red lion. I just took her back here. Shiro’s the black paladin, Pidge is the green paladin, Hunk is the yellow paladin, and Allura is the blue paladin, which doesn’t explain why a misfit like you is here.” Lance began to mutter a response in reply, but Keith simply turned to Shiro. “Do I know this boy?”

Shiro stayed quiet, shook by the situation before him. Yes, he was glad Keith was alive, but was this really Keith? Who was Keith without love? He looked so much colder, isolated, just like when Shiro picked him up from nothing. Keith’s eyes didn’t shine anymore, his eyes in a constant glare. It was like reliving Keith after losing his parents again.

“Why does he remember everyone but me?” Lance wept, reaching up to Keith only to be swatted away by Keith’s hand. Keith sent Lance a disgusted look that scared the rest of the team.

“Stop it.”

Pidge slowly moved out from her position behind Hunk and shifted her glasses before answering Lance, “It’s because...Keith had Hanahaki. When he got the surgery, he removed the flowers, which also removed the feelings and memories he had of love. And...Lance, the one he loved was...”

“Me” Lance whispered as if it wasn’t true; as if it _couldn’t_ be true.

But Keith scoffed at Pidge, “How could I love someone I don’t know? Even for a genius like you, Katie, this is as low as jokes get. Revolting. I demand we get rid of this liar immediately, he could be a spy.”

“Keith please.” Lance tried one last time, only for Keith to snap at him.

“Can’t you just leave me the quiznak alone, you bastard?”

And everything snapped there and then. Lance simply crumpled onto the floor, tears streaming down his face as the flashbacks came in waves. Hunk and Pidge both rushed to their friend, glaring at Keith who seemed to have nothing but cold eyes to the situation. Shiro flinched at the comment and hurriedly dragged Keith out of the room as Allura and Coran followed him into a quieter section of the castle.

Keith without love, was simply a shell.

♡♢♤♧

Later that night, the paladins, excluding Keith, had a meeting in the living room whilst the missing paladin was training. As training went, the level went higher and higher with no hitch at all. If the rest of the team weren’t concerned about his well being, they would have congratulated him on reaching a new limit, but as of now, Keith training simply looked robotic, a dance dictated by steps.

“Team, I’m afraid to say that we do have a mission that required Voltron soon.” Allura commented solemnly. “If Keith truly got this surgery, this attitude will continue indefinitely. Any thoughts?”

Lance was silent, curled up on the couch in a fetal pose. Pidge responded for them, “I believe we must execute this mission, as it’s essential for the universe’s safety. However, regarding Keith, I believe we must take him along. We should just assume the original paladin colors.”

“But Lance--” Hunk interrupted.

“We _need_ Lance. If we have any hopes of returning Keith to well Keith, it all lies in Lance. Exposure will be best. I trust he still has the bond to fly the blue lion and Keith can fly the red lion. Similarly, I believe that Shiro still has the same bond with the black lion. We _can_ do this.”

Hesitant nods followed Pidge’s plan.

“If this it acceptable, please everyone, voice your thoughts.” Allura prompted. “I personally feel Pidge is correct. I wish to follow through with this decision. Paladins?”  
Shiro hesitated, “If the black lion allows me in, I’d do anything to help Keith.”

“I know the chances of this working isn’t high, but if anything, this has a chance. I’m in.” Hunk sighed.

“It’s okay.” Lance muttered.

Pidge sent a concerned look at Lance, but concluded. “Then that’s the plan.”

♡♢♤♧

Frustrated. That was the only thing that could describe Keith currently. He thought he’d come back to warm smiles and his team, but instead, everyone simply looked concerned. Nothing felt wrong to him, in fact it was the best he’d ever felt physically in months. He simply didn’t understand why they looked at him pitifully.

His strength clearly showed as he trained, the levels rising rapidly as he slashed with a perfect ratio of ability and force. However, something else began to nag at his brain. The other boy in the room. Clearly everyone seemed to act like they knew each other, but for the love of himself, Keith could not figure out who the boy was, while the rest of the team was irritating him with their lies of “he’s the red paladin” which made no sense in his opinion.

“Why do we have to do this mission with this low rate pilot?” Keith scoffed, looking at the mission details. “Where’s Allura? Tch, why risk someone else when we could be finishing this war?”

Shiro spoke up as Lance had been abnormally quiet for the last few days. “Allura hasn’t been feeling well, so the blue lion has also agreed to open up to Lance here. Just let it go, Keith.”

“Whatever, fine.”

He turned and headed off to Red who seemed concerned, but opened up nonetheless. Without even a command, Keith launched off and didn’t wait for the rest of the team before shooting down ships with ease. And the only thing that occupied his mind was: destroy the enemy.

The thrill of a fight, the fire that burns in his veins is what he lived for. Fury, revenge, dominance. The will to take back what the universe has taken from him. In the midst of his thoughts, he noticed the rest of the team had caught up and provided backup and more ships arrived in a flurry. Attacks rained down on the lions and even Keith himself knew there was no chance of redeeming the situation himself.

“Paladins, form Voltron!” Shiro called, as the lions flew together upwards. It was supposed to be smooth as always. It was supposed to. But as soon as their thoughts started flowing together, there was that inexplicable rejection of memories in Keith. There was sorrow, a broken sense from the blue lion connection and his rage clashed together, interlaced with grief and concern from the other three paladins.

A flash of pain and all the Lions fell apart, floating aimlessly in the battlefield. Keith hissed in response, willing Red to get back up and fight. Fight, he demanded of himself. He soared back up, shooting at the ships, but there was no end to them. “Retreat! Head back to the Castle.” Shiro commanded, turning Black around. But Keith, no Keith would never give up. So defiantly, he rose against the rest of the paladins, turning off the group reception and charging forward. Victory or death.

“Keith!” a static filled voice called, connecting in a private channel. Keith turned to the screens, bewildered at the blue lion following him, protecting his back even.

“What the heck are you doing?” Keith growled.

Lance paused on the screen before closing his eyes and simply looked into Keith’s eyes, willing him to remember. But none of that happened. There was no spark, no sense of even warmth inside violet eyes. They were lonesome, filled to the top with revenge and a need to be recognized on the battlefield. Utmost determination to fight. “I can’t leave you, Keith. I know you don’t remember me and you hate me now, but I... _we_ cared for each other. I will never give up on you.”

Keith scowled in response, but didn’t stop the other boy. “Do whatever you want--” And then he saw it. An ion cannon, targeted directly at the blue lion. It was as if time moved in slow motion, he felt himself move the controls forward, lunging in front of the other lion without a second thought.

Why was it an instinct to protect the boy he didn’t know? Something hurt inside of him, clawing at his memories, but never surfacing. He heard screams from the other side of the line, chanting his name between broken sobs. And the impact of the cannon didn’t even register in his brain, simply fading away. The whole lion shook with force, breaking apart as his whole existence broken in mere seconds.

It felt nothing like the past deaths, as they were painfully blissful, a release from reality, This was simply cruel as irony got. Brutal and unforgiving.

As his consciousness faded, he heard something similar to “Keith, please don’t leave us. Don’t leave me. I lo--”

And he faded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally the end of Keith angst. Next chapter is a happy ending...but I don't type fluff very well, so good luck. Thanks again for reading! Hit me up if any spelling/grammar needs correcting.
> 
> Thank you so much to VieraEV3 for pointing out some of my typos!


	6. Worth the Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Keith recalls all the past memories he's had, all the cycles, all his action and Lance's last words to him. If there was only a small hope, it was better than nothing. He finally acts on it. Short end for a happy ending.

Invariably, the same time, the same room, the same date. Memories flooded him along with a pang of emotions he wasn’t aware he had. And the last cycle played into his brain like a disease, flooding it with a mirror of himself without love. How did he forget Lance? Never again he vowed himself.

It’s finally been five different deaths. It was time to stop this.

So he sat up, and pondered everything through ever singly lifetime. Ever intonation any hint and everything. In the first round, Lance himself had come to get him for breakfast, which no one asked him too. And when Lance came to visit, the same words seemed to trigger him. “Leave me alone.” Perhaps those words had some meaning as it did in two other cycles. In cycle two, Lance seemed flustered to say the least at Pidge’s antics, which could mean something. Cycle three, he wished to know how Lance reacted to his flower, but never will know if he ever found it. But despite Keith objecting, Lance visited every day by his side. Cycle four, Allura was mentioned, but was that a cover up? Cycle five..

“Keith, please don’t leave us. Don’t leave me I lo--”

Could this really mean? Was there any chance? The hurt look of Lance was well ingraining in his mind, leading to him vowing never to hurt Lance like that again.

“Do it, Keith.” he told himself. As he rose out of the bed, slipping into his chair and taking out a sheet of scratch paper and scribbling a note for Lance. But as he looked at the words over and over, they didn’t mean anything. It was a worthlessly passive confession. “I like you” on paper meant nothing. He had to face Lance. There was a chance, he persuaded himself as he threw away the other paper and grabbed another sheet of finer paper.

As he spent the whole morning preparing the note, and even went out of his way to ask Coran for flowers, it was settled. He snuck into Lance’s room after dinner and waited.

♡♢♤♧

 _Lance, meet me in the Observatory tonight. --Keith_.

He read the note over and over, not knowing what to make of it. Of course Keith has asked for meeting before, but never was it written in note form. And never did it have a small flower that looked like a forget me not if his memory didn’t fail him sitting next to the note. Hope sparked in his mind, but he quickly shut it down, assuming the note to be about other matters. Maybe a mission or something.

So hurriedly, Lance smoothed out his clothes, and jogged up to the observatory. By the time he reached the door, his heart was already pounding and likely it wasn’t from the light jog up. His mind scoured reasons that Keith would call him. Perhaps he had noticed how Lance was continuously staring at the other boy and wanted to act on that. Ironically enough, that sounded like an impulsive Keith thing to do.

Sighing, he realized there was no point of pondering “what ifs” any longer. He entered the door in silence about to ask something before he was met with the stars. It was one of his favorite emulations of the stars from Earth; he didn’t realize anyone knew how much he used this room nor did anyone know his favorite.

Every time he was feeling down, left out from the team, useless, he would play the emulation and remember how vast the universe was from Earth and how lucky he was to even be out here as he always dreamed.

“Thank you for coming.” Keith voiced from the middle of the room, patting a space next to him on a blanket. Littered around the blanket were little snacks and even more flowers.

Lance did as asked and took a seat next to Keith. “Yeah, no problem buddy. What’s up?”

Keith inhaled once and blurted out, “If I told you, I’m dying right now, would you believe me?” Lance stared at him shocked. Was this the whole reason? Was Keith telling him a grave secret? Was Keith actually dying? This was a serious matter, surely Keith wasn’t lying.

“...yes. But Keith why--”

The raven haired boy leaned over to his right and grabbed a familiar book “Hanahaki Disease- Flowers Born from Love” and shoved it at Lance. “I’m dying because I’m in love.”

Oh. Keith was in love. But with who? Perhaps some alien had charmed the lone wolf on a mission and he needed help from his right hand man to confess. Yes, that made perfect sense. Yet there was a pang in Lance’s chest as the words “it’s not you” repeated over and over in his head like a mantra. “Who is it?”

“Lance, if I told you, I’m in a time loop and I’ve repeated this disease five times prior, would u believe me? Hanahaki, it kills me unless I have requited feelings with my crush. And if I told you, every single time, I died, would you believe me?” Keith said, finally confessing his failures.

“Well...I believe in time loops, but how--”

And Keith grabbed Lance’s head, forcing their eyes to clash violently. “I know stuff I shouldn’t. When you were young, your brother broke your mom’s engagement photo and the week after, your whole family was stuck eating the Cuban equivalent of cup noodles. I know how the words ‘Just leave me alone, Lance’ triggers some harsh feelings inside of you. I know how much you hurt when I said I forgot you. You’re also bi and the most stubborn person ever. You never give up on anyone Lance, you’re a hero. But when it comes to yourself, you try to overcompensate for yourself.”

“Enough” Lance muttered, turning away. “I get the point. So what do you want from me?”

Keith started, “I just wanted to tell you that--”

At the same time Lance said quickly, “You’re right about the overcompensation because--”

“I like you.”

Three simple words said in unison. Three words that have been trapped for years, buried under flowers and lies, finally blooming outwards. Both looked at each other for a few seconds with no words, stars swirling majestically behind them as Lance was the first to smile in amazement.

“Guess great minds really think alike, eh samurai?” It was said almost jokingly, yet held that soft tone of affection that Keith remembered as Lance reminisced fondly about his family.

Keith shared the same soft smile as he felt the flowers wither away. Saved. “Thank you, Lance.”

“Can I kiss you now?”

A nod as both boys leaned in and shared a small peck, pure and innocent. It wasn’t like any Hollywood movie, but it was soft at their own pace. As they shifted together their hands overlapped shamelessly as sparks flashed between them and they leaned in once again for a more feverish kiss.

It was touching, so incredibly filled with requited passion.

And as the stars swirled around them, the two boys ended up sleeping there under the stars, hand in hand and heads resting on one another.

♡♢♤♧

“Where’s Lance and Keith?” Allura asked, entering the kitchen and glancing around. It was well past their normal arrival time for breakfast and Allura had already passed the training room and didn’t notice any sign of Keith in there. Plus, it was quite abnormal for both of the boys to be missing.

The rest of the paladins shared similar shrugs as Keith and Lance entered together, hand in hand.

Pidge was the first to react, “Oh my god. Look. I called it, Hunk you owe me”

“Congrats you two! And fine, Pidge” Hunk groaned.

Shiro simply nodded in approval, sending a silent message to Lance to take care of his “little brother”. Allura looked pleased and called for a toast to the new couple. Coran looked simply ecstatic, or was that simply his normal look? Either how, the whole crew looked happy with the development.

Lance dragged their intertwined hands to the table and pulled a chair close to him for Keith along with two plates of food goo. “Don’t mind us, let’s eat,” he chirped happily as Keith blushed wildly at his side.

And the table settled back into its usual friendly banter and conversations.

After all these cycles, this was surely Keith’s favorite. Of course all the other ones has taught him so much, but it was about time to forget about the past and live in the present, he thought. Perhaps it took five tries, but all the tries in the world would be worth this bliss. His lungs felt free from the flowers finally, Forget-Me-Not flowers falling away, but still signifying the love he felt for Lance.

Undying Love.

♡♢♤♧

 

Fin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's done! And happy ending yay. If you got through all those chapters, damn, thanks really. This is the first thing I've ever posted and it means a lot. Thank you!
> 
> And I know this is posted way after VLD ended but like, this is mostly written for random thoughts. Wanted to avoid S8 drama and all that. I’d just be glad if at least one person enjoyed this series--
> 
> Update 6/11/19 Grammar/Spelling updates
> 
> Find me on twt @x_GraveMe


End file.
